Last week we packed up our Honda Insight and headed to visit my
husband's family out on Cape Cod. Whenever we leave our little corner
of Western Massachusetts I feel like I experience parenting culture
shock. We go out among strangers, and see every type of parenting that
has been given a monicker; helicopters, tigers, traditionalists, etc.
The
difference in parenting styles seems to smack me in the face, whereas
at home we are very lucky to live in an area where, like us, many
parents practice some
version of gentle parenting. I feel like in our area 'normal'
encompasses one or more of the attachment parenting ideals;
bed-sharing or co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, gentle
discipline etc. In other parts of our state and the country I've
witnessed the parental norm reflecting the parenting styles of the
mid-20th century rather than what I feel is the current attachment
parenting trend.
This trend isn't something new, instead it is
something old. Instead of mirroring the last couple generations of
parenting styles people are looking further back for guidance. Back
before there were TVs and computers to amuse even the youngest of
babies, and extended families would work together to bring up the newest
additions. I think the most important aspect of attachment parenting
is to guide children with your actions, not your words. However, words
can be extremely powerful as well.
Two separate incidents from
our recent vacation have been on my mind. We headed out to the beach on
our second day and as we were nearing the steps up to the beach from
the parking lot we were pushing our stroller down (yep, even some times
AP parents use strollers) we overheard a mother saying over and over
again that she was so surprised that her daughter was 'good'. This
sweet little girl looked to be about a year old, and was cute as could
be toddling around the beach in her swimsuit. Her mama was so engrossed
in her conversation that I don't believe she noticed her daughter was
hanging on her every word. While she was exploring the sand around her,
she would pause and listen whenever her mama spoke. I wonder at what
age will she question why her mother was surprised that she was
inherently good. What happens when she starts to push boundaries, and
question authority as all children do? Will she stop being considered
good, or is her goodness contingent on her continuing to go with her
parents flow, and not exert her own will?
The second experience
was on our last day. It was far from sunny, occasionally spitting
rain, but warm so we headed to the park with the boys. I watched as one
mama arrived with her little girl who was about 18 months, scolded her
for hanging back and then pushed her forward with the demand to 'go
play'. As a parent of a 2 year old who still takes quite a bit of time
in new situations to adjust, I was sad that the little girl didn't have
the support she needed to get comfortable on her own terms. I find that
Braeden warms up to new situations quicker if he isn't forced into
joining them, and is allowed to hang back with the support of either
myself or his daddy until he has fully observed everything and
everyone. Then watch out, because he turns into a ball of energy with a
need to socialize.
The mama of that little girl sat down with some
friends at the table nearest our stroller, where Kelan was napping. I
spent my time going between checking on him in the stroller and talking
with Peter as he watched Braeden run, jump, and climb everything he
could. At one point a boy, close to Braeden's age accidentally bumped
his head. Braeden called for me and started crying. I could tell from
his cry he was more startled and scared, then hurt. I was hugging him,
and we were talking about what happened when the boy's daddy, from the
near by table, carried him over and demanded that he apologize NOW.
That poor little soul was mortified. His face was bright red, I could
tell he was embarrassed at the way he was being held, that he was being
presented to strangers and commanded to speak, not to mention he had
accidentally bumped someone and made them cry. That last one is enough
to embarrass most people. Tears started to well up in his eyes too,
and Braeden was now calm but uncomfortable with the strange man's tone towards his own child. I told the little boy that we understood it was an accident, and that we weren't upset or mad at him. I also said we could tell he felt badly for scaring Braeden, so he didn't need to use his words to apologize.
Shortly thereafter both boys were back to playing and I was nursing Kelan. The boy's mama seemed to be trying to interact with me by commenting on how hungry Kelan was. When she started explaining to her younger boy about the baby I brought him over to show. The mama said 'we love babies, but then they grow up into this, nodding down at her toddler, and then they're trouble'. I couldn't stand that negativity directed at what seemed to be a sweet little guy. I responded with 'I just love toddlers, they're so fun!' and walked over towards my boys. I spent the rest of the time avoiding eye contact with them.
Words are powerful tools, and our children's minds are like sponges. I'm finding out just how trying these little people can be, and we're only in the beginning of it all. However, I feel that as frustrating as these days can be, its really important to not put labels on children. They are good, no matter if they follow your rules implicitly or question every thing. Children are not troublesome. They are adventurous. They are curious. They are full of awe and wonder at this world, and if we can just spend five minutes each day looking at things through their eyes our busy adult world would mesh so much better with their world of wonderment.
What is the prevalent parenting style near you? In what ways do you wish the parents in your community would alter their child-rearing ways?
*DISCLAIMER* This post in no way means I think I am the perfect parent. I am constantly wishing I could take back how I did something, and educating myself in different ways to be a more peaceful, gentle, child-friendly parent and adult.
I had lots of interests when I was younger. History, drama, movies, books, animals, and languages. We lived far into the country, nearly 30 minutes from our town. This meant I spent most of my time away from my peers.
I didn't really mind, because I enjoyed doing my own thing. I'd ride my horse, read whatever books I found interesting or my parents recommended, and do a little self-taught language learning. I really enjoying sharing these passions with my son(s). Braeden is now 2, and seems to be a bookworm. He will spend hours 'reading' to himself or asking us to read his entire library. He knows all his letters by sight, and likes to show them to little brother, Kelan, and tell him how to pronounce them.
Last year's Halloween Costume. A book worm, reading a book.
When he was just a couple months old I started to slowly introduce
sign language to him. It took quite awhile for him to catch on, but
once it 'clicked' with him he loved signing. He was considered a late
talker, but had many signs to get his point across. Once he took the
step into verbalizing his words we started slacking in the signing
department. Since his brother's birth he has started signing again.
Most likely due to the fact that we haven't been able to always give him
our undivided attention. He seems to be accentuating the important
words with signs. Also, in the 'too cute' department he has been trying
to teach 6 week old Kelan how to sign.
We used the book 'The
Joy of Signing' by Lottie Riekehof. It isn't a typical baby signing
book, but more of a dictionary of common signs. The first chapter
explains different aspects of signs, and how to string sentences
together. I'm going to be using this book again to expand on his
signs.
In addition to the signing, I'd like to introduce a
foreign language to him. Studies have shown that the best time to
introduce another language is before age 5. I've studied French,
Spanish, German, and Japanese. The majority of my studies were in
Japanese. I took both courses offered at my high school, did some
independent study of it the summer after I graduated, and was accepted
to the UW's Japanese program. Unfortunately my anxiety and self doubt
got the best of me and I opted out of it.
I also studied German
in high school, and have done a little independent study of it. It
might be easy to pick up German because of the similarity of the
alphabet, many of the letter pronunciations, and sentence structure.
I'm
debating between introducing him to a language that I already have a
background in, like Japanese or German and Spanish. While I don't have
much background in speaking Spanish, it seems to be a good option, due
to the number of people in our country that speak it as a first language
but for the most part I'd have to learn along side him.
For now we'll continue ASL while I weigh the pros and cons of each language.
It's been ages since I've written anything for either of my blogs. Life and internet access issues got in the way. I'd really like to be better, so I formulated a plan. I'm going to head to the local coffee shop to use their internet and get some much needed alone time. I'll have my posts written ahead of time, and will upload photos and schedule publish dates while drinking coffee. Lets see if I can find the time to stick with my plan.
After two weeks of house guests, we were on our own again last week. Peter was even out of town on business for three days. Braeden had enough of being passed around and wouldn't let me put him down for a few days. We're now getting back into the swing of things, and he's allowing Peter to hold him for an extended period of time again.
I've been working on getting him to nap on his own, which is hit and miss. He's a good sleeper but likes to be touching someone. Some days he will sleep in his basket just fine, and others I'm back in there every fifteen minutes to put him back to sleep. In other Braeden news he's getting super strong and growing like a weed! He started rolling back to front at three days old and front to back at three weeks. He tries to crawl to you if you move away from him, but doesn't have the arm strength to hold himself up so his front half just gets pushed along the blanket by his legs. Size wise, he was ten pounds five ounces at the midwife's office last week, and has grown three and a quarter inches!His 0-3 month clothes are starting to fit snug and his 3-6 month onsies are fitting well with just a little length in the sleeves and quite a bit extra length in the pants department.
I've been figuring out how to manage my time most days, and have started to catch up on drafting the patterns I've promised folks and have been reading a ton. It feels great to be able to challenge my brain again. I have one question for all you reenacting bloggers out there; if you had 70" of 60" wide tropical weight wool what would you make with it? Colorwise it is deep plum with light gray pinstripes.
Thanks, Jenny
At 36 weeks I was having contractions, but it took me a few days to realize it. They started when I was driving down to pick up my husband, Peter from the airport. I thought my pants were just uncomfortable. The next day I was still uncomfortable, but figured it was part of being at the end of my pregnancy. Day 3 rolled around and I realized they were contractions, but I was determined to ignore them. Finally on Day 4 when they were 5-7 minutes apart I decided we should probably call the midwives. After I was finished with work, and we picked up Peter's car from the body shop, and got both the car and truck inspected, and went grocery shopping, and drove 40 minutes back home. I'm nothing if I'm not a procrastinator.
I called the main number and left a generic message about how I was having contractions, but not to worry. Turns out I had also had inverted a couple digits of our phone number when the initial paperwork was filled out. They couldn't reach us at home, and I forgot to turn my cell on. After waiting several hours, during which I did barn chores, made supper, cleaned the house, we eventually called one of the midwives at home. She recommended that I take it super easy, take a warm bath, and drink a half glass of wine. WINE?!? Well it has to be better than the drugs I'd get if I went in to L&D at the local hospital. Plus all the recent studies show minor alcohol consumption isn't a problem. Goodbye work, hello wine.
It took a few days for the contractions to settle down, but by 37 weeks they were few and far between. The midwives came out for their visit that Friday, and I was good to go for a home birth and told I could start doing normal activities again! We also met with an open minded pediatrician. He seems like he will let us, as the parents make the decisions. We also swung by my work to get updated on the barn news and bought two baby chicks from a local Feed and Seed. Over all it was a great day!
Going into 37 weeks I was getting impatient, but not enough to get the things done that truly needed to be done. Instead I played outside, cleaning the paddock, raking the lawn, sweeping the aisles in the barn, even riding my horse. That took some effort to get up there! By the end of the week I was having contractions every night, but they'd go away after a couple hours. I was getting frustrated with not knowing what was going on! Peter kept laughing and saying I was worse than the days leading up to Christmas (I'm a gift shaker). Another 2 prenatal appointments with my midwives came and went. They were pretty sure it was a big baby, and recommended I cut way back on carbs and sugars. That was the only time a diet has lasted more than a few hours for me! Peter came home from work around 3 in the morning and gave me the most amazing foot rub ever! I think I fell in love with him all over again, well my poor swollen feet did anyway!
My gestational weeks started on Mondays, and Thursday morning of week 38 I woke up to the strangest sensation. I quick jumped out of bed and waddle-ran to the bathroom. My water had broke! I was groggy after being up late the night before and confused because I wasn't having contractions. I remembered reading that it doesn't happen like that. Women almost always know they're in labor before their water breaks. Apparently my mind forgot to tell my body. All I had were a few measly contractions the night before. But here it was...
Once I could leave the bathroom I scurried back to the bedroom to wake Peter. After telling him the news I rushed back to the bathroom. Apparently I wasn't done in there. It was a trip I would be retaking most of the day. Chalk that up as the second thing I was unaware of for labor. Peter called the midwife on call to let her know what was going on. She said rest for now, and she'd call back in a couple hours to check on our progress. Rest? Ha! We stayed up, ate breakfast, put the horses out. Played with the chicks, started laundry, called some family to let them know, and then tried to take a nap. Peter napped, but there was no way I could nap. There were way too many thoughts rushing through my head, I couldn't even focus on them.
Around noon, our midwife Kristen checked in. I still wasn't having any contractions so we upped the dosage of herbs I was taking to kick them in. The herbs were a combination of blue and black cohosh, red raspberry leaves and maybe something else. We also decided to go for a hike to hopefully spur on some contractions. After an hour long hike the contractions were just starting to kick in. I still considered them to be in the category of 'doesn't really count, because it doesn't really hurt'. We went home, and called our midwife back to let her know that there still wasn't much going on. We finished laundry, put the horses in the barn for the night, and tried to stay busy.
Kristen got to the house around 8, and that's when I decided we should probably eat dinner. Silly me to forget such things! Peter made a pizza while I puttered around sort of helping the midwife. I ate one piece of pizza and decided to lie down instead of watching a show with Peter. Around that time Kristen called our birth doula, Bridgette to come up. She swung by one of the other midwives houses to pick up some supplies and got to our house around 10 or so. I pretty much lost track of time after I ate, so all the times are my best guess.
A short while after Bridgette arrived my contractions finally started kicking it up a notch. Peter stayed right by my side and held my hand while I breathed through contractions. They weren't that bad yet, and I could easily carry on a conversation in between. At some point Kristen and Bridgette came into the bedroom. Kristen showed Bridgette how to feel the contractions, and use a fetoscope to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Kristen also did the first pelvic exam at that point. We labored for a while longer in the bedroom before Peter went out to help Kristen set up the birthing tub. Bridgette stayed right by my side and held my hand and chatted with me while Peter was out of the room.
Our water heater ran out of hot water while they were filling the tub, so they started heating water on our wood stove. The contractions were getting more intense as they filled the tub. Kristen asked me if I wanted to try laboring in the tub, and I was all for a change in environment. I used the bathroom, and Peter brought me a swimsuit top to wear. The tub was wonderfully warm, and as I got in I tried squatting because I had heard that can help he baby move down quicker. Everyone was just wonderful! Peter pushed on my back when I needed it, constantly reminded me to drink water, and held my hand whenever I asked for it. He was and always is my rock. Bridgette has such a calming personality every time she spoke I would feel myself relax just a little bit more. Kristen stayed right by my side, doing her thing, with such a quiet assurance I never questioned whether I had made the right decision. I was so calm and at peace with what was going on, even though there were times that were massively intense.
At some point while I was in the tub, Kristen called the other midwife Kirsten to come up. To me it seemed like she was there moments after Kristen made the call. It must have been awhile, because she lives over half an hour away. When she arrived I felt a sense of relief. Everyone was there, and I knew that meant things were progressing. I had switched from laboring in a squatting position, to on my side. Poor Peter had to help support my upper body while I was having a contraction. I had also progressed from just blowing air out of my mouth during a contraction to moaning. Very loudly moaning. It never really felt painful, just extremely intense. Around this time I had moved into transition, and was starting to question my thinking. I kept seeing flashes of light, that turned out to be photos being taken. I also asked Peter if this was all my idea, was begging for this to really be transition because I wasn't sure I could handle much more, and when Peter offered me water, I told him I couldn't drink because I was trying to concentrate on peeing. Number three on the list of things I didn't know labor would include, I can't pee in a blow up pool in my living room. Even if I'm told it's okay. I took swim lessons as a kid, and there must be some sort of mental block.
With my contractions I was starting to feel pushy, but it could be ignored. Kristen did one last check and told me I was close, but had a cervical lip. I still had to pee. I'm not sure if I got out of the tub right after the check, but it couldn't have been too much longer. With massive assistance from everyone there, I got up and out of the tub, into the bathroom and finally got to go. I felt much better after that. We decided to go to the bedroom from that point on.
I remember being in between contractions in the bathroom and saying it's now or never and hurrying into the bedroom. My sweet Peter knew I didn't want to be completely undressed during labor, and helped me get my swimsuit top off. Then the contractions started picking up again, and I couldn't muster the focus to put a shirt on. Instead he just continually kept trying to cover me up with a towel. I really wanted to thank him at that point, but speaking was difficult. I was concentrating more than I ever had before.
We had finally reached the point where I could push. Then we hit a snag. Every time I'd pull my legs back to push I'd get massive cramps. I was dehydrated, despite drinking electrolyte water like it was going out of style. I had 2 packets of Emergen-C calcium in with various vitamins. Peter mixed those into a glass of water and I did my best to chug it. Still things didn't seem quite right to me. The midwives were talking to me about something. I think it was positions, or pushing, but I can't really remember what. I flipped over onto my hands and knees and started pushing that way. Wow, it was easier! I was having trouble holding my upper body up, and someone brought me my exercise ball covered with a towel to lean on. Jackpot! We really started making progress, and I didn't need physical support from anyone at this point. Kirsten was up by my head coaching me on how to manage my breathing/vocalization while I was pushing and Kristen was down spotting the baby. There still wasn't any pain.
With everyone there supporting and coaching me through it, our little baby arrived after just an hour of pushing. I was pretty shocked when they told me I could carefully roll over and they put a baby on my belly. The cord was short, and we still didn't know if our baby was a boy or girl. Wrapped in a towel, Peter and I admired our little bundle of joy until the cord stopped pulsing. Peter cut the cord and announced that we had a boy! 8 lbs 10 oz, 21.25 inches long. Braeden Oliver came into the world at 5:05 a.m. April 22nd.
Braeden is an amazing baby (as I'm sure they all are).
Peter talked to him so much when he was in the womb that he recognized his voice. He was perfectly content being held by his daddy. He had quite a bit of bruising on his face, so we opted for one dose of oral vitamin K, and I've been eating lots of spinach since then. He's dealing with a bit of jaundice but seems to be getting better every day.
Today is his due date, and it's been pretty obvious that he was a bit early. He was quite tough to feed in the beginning. The only thing that would wake him was a diaper change. Even then he would go back to sleep almost immediately. In the last two days he has finally started opening his eyes in the daylight for more than a split second, but he still wants to be cuddled up right next to you at all times. That's something Peter and I won't ever complain about. We love having him snuggled right next to us. Well, enough rambling about my handsome little guy for today!
Well the nursing cover is finished, minus the button and hole. I thought I had a pretty white button for it, but can't find it. I'm heading to the city on Wednesday for a prenatal appointment with my midwives, and to do some shopping. I'm going to use a 50% off coupon to get a new pretty white button from Joann's. If this child comes before then, I'll just pin it or something. I'm not too worried. I probably won't even use it until we start going on outings.
My frustration lies in my hands being swollen. It's extremely difficult for me to accomplish sewing tasks when my fingers don't want to work! I've cut way back on salt, and drink lots of water but they're so stiff. I'm trying not to complain too much about it, because I can still wear my wedding band. It's tight, and leaves a little mark, but it's there. I'm a night time sewer as well. I sew during the day, but I find it much easier to focus at night when I don't want to be working outside. My contractions keep kicking up at dusk, and trailing off in the early morning. This is not exactly helping my to-do list, but hey, there are contractions! I'll take it!
I've been working with my cranky sewing machine because I can't manage to sew through velcro or elastic by hand right now. I have all the covers (11 I think) cut out both shell and water proof liner, with the velcro tabs attached. The gussets are about half finished having the elastic applied. All that's left is stitching the gussets to the covers, and finishing the edges with more elastic. I really am ready to be done working with all these modern fabrics and notions. I have a true dislike for them, but it is teaching me patience. Especially after sewing on 6 gussets last night to realize I had the seams going the wrong direction.
Well I need to get to my list of chores, the main one being cleaning the stinky chick's box (they're inside with us until it warms up). I'll introduce them soon, hopefully. Also, if anyone wants a more timely update of what's going on birth-wise, or just in general feel free to add me on facebook. If I don't get around to posting something, my husband sure will.
Best,
Jenny
Still no baby! I'm going a bit nutty with waiting, and the phone calls and messages from friends every day asking where the baby is aren't helping my patience. I've been cleared to do as much activity as I want because I'm measuring 2.5 weeks ahead and the midwives are predicting that this little bundle isn't going to be so little!
My sewing machine is having issues with the tension or something, and for the life of me I can't figure it out. It only happens if I use a newer Coats and Clark spool of thread. The thread doesn't come smoothly off the spool...it all of a sudden will spin like crazy and several inches will come off and wrap around the medal spindaly-thing that holds the spool. My husband is going to take it in to a repair shop as a birthday gift for me, but the nearest repair shop is almost an hour away. Needless to say, we're waiting until we have another reason to head in that direction.
I've been hand-sewing some, but not too much. I've finished the nursing pillow cover, and will have my version of a hooter-hider finished tonight. I have burp cloths and diaper covers left to finish at some point. I don't know which is more important to have right away. I have 2 diaper covers that were given to me, and quite a few hand towels that could be used as burp cloths.
Which would you recommend I work on next?
Thanks,
Jenny
